Okay so:
1) I got a job. I am working at Giovanni's which is a fish market in Morro Bay. I'm working 35-40 hours a week. It sucks working during the day but I guess it is nice to have all the nights off. I just really need the money, for a myriad of things. I work with 4 or so people my age, which is nice, but I don't really get to talk to them much. Work today was especially un-enjoyable because I basically spent the whole day by myself (other people were working in the kitchen). I don't want to be the new girl who bitches about it, but it was quite lonely. I am also much quieter at work, which reminds me how if put in a new setting without people I know previously I can be a really introverted person. I guess college won't have to be like this, but it often makes me wonder who knows me really well. I guess Skyla since she's my best friend but I don't really know. I think Mitchell understands me, and I think Jimmy knows a lot about me...but I don't know. OKAY I AM AN EMO CHILD.
2)I am going to go see The Faint on August fifth. I think I'll go see Conor Oberst in Santa Cruz (on the third?). Ideally I'd like to go all the way up to Portland with Hannah (for sure since we bough our tickets together) and some friends. We'll have to see if getting time off of work is a strug or not.
3)I've had a ton of great times this summer. The first week I hung out with Sarah and Hannah ever day/night. We had some picnics, saw the Expendables, stayed up late talking, watched movies... humdeedum. I've lost track of it all but there have been great times. I basically go to bed around 3 am every night and then start work in the morning.
4)Hannah has inspired me to skateboard, I am stoked on it. We skateboarded a bit last night in her neighborhood and I really enjoy the simplicity of it.
5)I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled friday, and really not looking forward to it.
I am going to stop hear as Michael and I are talking with facebook chat and I am listening to his mix and I can't focus because I need to call Cameron in twelve minutes to wish him a happy birthday. He is on an amazing roadtrip with dov chris drew and john.
MKAY.
love.love.love.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A Myriad of Reflections.
We had graduation and mass rehearsal today. There was so much confusion about order and walking and sitting and standing and cues. I'm not sure that it was necessary. Tomorrow there is a bonfire where I will burn schoolwork-this will be a very nice thing to do. It's funny, I have some things from sophomore year to burn...
I alternate between feeling at peace with life, and feeling chaotic. I am always like this. I am at peace because I am really starting to get stoked about next year....and I have been having some really great times with friends these past few weeks-picnics and talks and movie nights and baseball games... I actually went job-hunting, which is a start to getting money this summer. There are a lot of things going right. On the other hand I feel chaotic because my family frustrates me and I still feel like a little child. It's cliche, but I often feel as though I'm never good enough. I'll get congratulated for this or that...but I keep expecting the congratulations to involve amnesty from early curfews, etc etc. I''m going to a great school next year, I've worked hard all of high school, and yet the night before my last classes, the night before my last test, the night before any day...i'll be asked "did you study?" Because if I didn't then I am told I may possibly fail. I just hate this constant pressure for everything. Of course if I point it out then the response is something to the effect of "we don't pressure you" or "no i didn't say that". It's frustrating when you are younger and not as likely to be believed.
I feel like I've grown in many ways ...but lately I've watched myself and asked "Is this me trying to be grown up? What am I trying to accomplish?" I guess that is the way things will always be. I'll never fully have things figured out.
I often look around at life and am amused by the roles humans play in it. When I think about humans, just another kind of animal, I find it interesting that they have come to advance in ways considered to be beyond any other animal. We have methods of quick transportation and this whole "system" with currencies and stores and regulations. It's just odd to me the way that worked out. The way humans live in such a complicated and crazy society they have built for themselves. It's just interesting to me...we are animals unlike any other somehow...
I feel I don't exactly get my point across in words as well as I do in my head.
I am also thinking about how I have to remember not to get my expectations up. People are so kind and for some reason it's often not good enough for me. I'm not sure why, but I think I always find myself expecting more.
Lately I have been going about random activities, when I will reflect on a person and his or her whereabouts. This happens will all people. Suddenly before I can stop myself I am telling myself a story of where the person is, often it is sad... and leaves me wanting to cry, afraid the person really is hurt or really did say this or that... it's not a very fun game, but I can't help but play it.
This was a crazy entry.
love.love.love.
I alternate between feeling at peace with life, and feeling chaotic. I am always like this. I am at peace because I am really starting to get stoked about next year....and I have been having some really great times with friends these past few weeks-picnics and talks and movie nights and baseball games... I actually went job-hunting, which is a start to getting money this summer. There are a lot of things going right. On the other hand I feel chaotic because my family frustrates me and I still feel like a little child. It's cliche, but I often feel as though I'm never good enough. I'll get congratulated for this or that...but I keep expecting the congratulations to involve amnesty from early curfews, etc etc. I''m going to a great school next year, I've worked hard all of high school, and yet the night before my last classes, the night before my last test, the night before any day...i'll be asked "did you study?" Because if I didn't then I am told I may possibly fail. I just hate this constant pressure for everything. Of course if I point it out then the response is something to the effect of "we don't pressure you" or "no i didn't say that". It's frustrating when you are younger and not as likely to be believed.
I feel like I've grown in many ways ...but lately I've watched myself and asked "Is this me trying to be grown up? What am I trying to accomplish?" I guess that is the way things will always be. I'll never fully have things figured out.
I often look around at life and am amused by the roles humans play in it. When I think about humans, just another kind of animal, I find it interesting that they have come to advance in ways considered to be beyond any other animal. We have methods of quick transportation and this whole "system" with currencies and stores and regulations. It's just odd to me the way that worked out. The way humans live in such a complicated and crazy society they have built for themselves. It's just interesting to me...we are animals unlike any other somehow...
I feel I don't exactly get my point across in words as well as I do in my head.
I am also thinking about how I have to remember not to get my expectations up. People are so kind and for some reason it's often not good enough for me. I'm not sure why, but I think I always find myself expecting more.
Lately I have been going about random activities, when I will reflect on a person and his or her whereabouts. This happens will all people. Suddenly before I can stop myself I am telling myself a story of where the person is, often it is sad... and leaves me wanting to cry, afraid the person really is hurt or really did say this or that... it's not a very fun game, but I can't help but play it.
This was a crazy entry.
love.love.love.
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