A Reflection On High School And Its End

It's safe to say that high school is over. Tomorrow is my last day of classes and then we have senior day of recollection, yearbooks, royal day...etc. For the year being over, people at school aren't acting especially reminiscent (only irritated and impatient). Summer is basically upon us.

Overall I'd say I didnt like high school all that much. There were good times but I feel like I never really found what I was looking for. I made some amazing friends, its true. And I don't really regret having gone to Mission simply because that's where I went and it effected me and caused me to be the person that I am today-which is okay. I often felt like Mission was a fake world. Like people were out of touch with reality, sheltered, focused on petty things. That got frustrating. But it's okay because next year will be different.

This summer I want to: have a movie night at least once a week, go to the beach, go salsa dancing, go bowling, go to the drive-in, go on picnics, go stargazing, and have at least one road trip. . . and get a job. Do able.

I hope to get closer to finding what it is I am looking for.


lovelovelove

Exhausted (but feels incapable of changing it)

First-off: i'm going to the last orientation session afterall which is a huge money saver and relief.

Secondly:
I have four days of classes left (then some finals...but we don't count those half days). I've been absolutely exhausted lately and though its crazy I only have four days left, it isn't really making school any more bearable. I haven't had much work, but the work I do have I have been struggling to do. I don't want this to be about "senioritis" though.
I hope this summer is grand. And I don't want to expect too much, but I definitely have some basic expectations like seeing old friends again, picnics, star-gazing, dance parties, drive-in...etc. But I am also hoping that there will be some exciting aspect to the summer, some sort of surprise. Last summer was actually really great, so I wonder if this summer will beat it. I'll have to not think of it as a competition.
Nicole is in town, but I've only seen her briefly. I hope that this summer I see both her and Alyssa a great deal because I'm not ready for those friendships to end.
24-hr relay is this weekend. I feel like I should be more excited. I know it will be fun but I hope I don't get dumb and that I stay in a good mood the whole time- we shall see. Mitchell will be in town for it and that will be nice to hang out with him a bit.
I'm having trouble concentrating due to exhaustion... I think I expected more of this post but that's okay...I should go write in my journal.
I wonder if this will be my last post of senior year...
lovelovelove
claudia

100

This is my one-hundredth post.
I think I had been planning on making it especially lovely or cheerful, but I think it will be normal after all.
There are times when we get pissed at people...and I think it's important we remind ourselves maybe there's more to the story...maybe there's a reason we just don't understand. That's what I need to remind myself. Maybe there is a reason my friend didnt answer, maybe there is a reason the message wasn't replied to... and i always feel terrible when I get frustrated with my friends for those things and then later find out there was a ridiculously legit reason my friend didn't pick up or the message wasn't replied to. That leaves me feeling like an idiot for assuming I knew what was going on.
I only have eleven days of classes left. (That is to say, finals, senior day of recollection, and royal day do not count.) It's kind of odd because I feel like there is a lot we still have to do, and I really don't see how it will all be possible in the end. It's also odd knowing that after the year is over there will be a lot of people I won't see or talk to. I'll still talk to some classmates, but there are all those people I pass by in the hall each day, the people I smile at and think "boy i wish i talked to them"... and pretty soon I won't have that chance and I won't see those faces. That makes me a bit sad.
I guess there is a lot on my mind but I can never seem to pinpoint it when talking to people.
I've actually felt damn awkward with people these past two days, but I really feel that given the proper situation I would have a lot i need to talk about. I just don't really know who or when that is ...occuring.

Also, i need to get a job...and I haven't been looking because i'm an idiot. Similarly i didnt register for orientation in time and now we have to pay for a plane flight in the middle of summer, doubling the cost of orientation for my family. i feel stupid about that, really.

OKAY well i hope that people know i'm always here to talk to...i hope i'm not intimidating?


lovelovelove