When I came home there was a cute note from my sister on my pillow tucked into my journal. She placed it here knowing i would see it because i write every night,
except that every night I haven't been. I feel pretty bad about it, i really need to do some catching up. I'm forgetting what I've been doing each day, and I really want it all written down.
Tonight I was in a super mood and was singing ridiculously with everyone. Amazing.
We baked at Mia's before work, took amazing pictures...
I need to buckle down and look at colleges (because if I dont get in to berkeley then who knows where i'll be going).
life is just fucking great
:)
lovelovelove
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
They Will; They Are
Where is all the time going? It's crazy.
Writing is becoming less frequent, reading is amazing when I get the chance, focusing on music when I can.
Because life is good.
Drove to paso last night after work (after saying goodnight to this amazing kid) to go to my friend's house. Played apples to apples for three hours, ten fingers, mfk, sudokus until 530am. Wake up at 9, have a good breakfast...listen to accapela (sp im sure) music, more sudokus, folding.
Was home by noon. Very tired but in a great mood, i put on my new record that i purchased at boo boo's on wednesday and layed out in the middle of the living room with headphones on. I looked up at the ceiling listening to the beautiful music, closed my eyes, and when the record finished, fell asleep.
About an hour later I woke up to my phone, which i promptly answered and (feeling rested) proceeded to drive to cuesta to pick up a friend.
cooked here, sat in the yard.
discussed.
drove to slo
went to dinner (or smoothies...)
went to a concert.
i'm being vague.
Today i was thinking about the following:
How sometimes it's not teasing anymore, and it's rude (to make someone feel low).
And how sometimes
people leave your life
and when they come back,
it's hard to handle.
But things are going to work out. they will.
they are
and its beautiful.
lovelovelove
Writing is becoming less frequent, reading is amazing when I get the chance, focusing on music when I can.
Because life is good.
Drove to paso last night after work (after saying goodnight to this amazing kid) to go to my friend's house. Played apples to apples for three hours, ten fingers, mfk, sudokus until 530am. Wake up at 9, have a good breakfast...listen to accapela (sp im sure) music, more sudokus, folding.
Was home by noon. Very tired but in a great mood, i put on my new record that i purchased at boo boo's on wednesday and layed out in the middle of the living room with headphones on. I looked up at the ceiling listening to the beautiful music, closed my eyes, and when the record finished, fell asleep.
About an hour later I woke up to my phone, which i promptly answered and (feeling rested) proceeded to drive to cuesta to pick up a friend.
cooked here, sat in the yard.
discussed.
drove to slo
went to dinner (or smoothies...)
went to a concert.
i'm being vague.
Today i was thinking about the following:
How sometimes it's not teasing anymore, and it's rude (to make someone feel low).
And how sometimes
people leave your life
and when they come back,
it's hard to handle.
But things are going to work out. they will.
they are
and its beautiful.
lovelovelove
Monday, July 23, 2007
Redhead in Bed
I'm not even sure how it is that I've been so busy lately. I haven't even been writing in the journal by my bed every night. It's pretty sad.
But things have been good...what HAVE i been doing?
Bought Harry Potter... and i guess im not too cool because i havent finished yet. I'm only in the 200's. Watched the saddle creek documentary again (which caused me to buy the album "lullaby for the working class"). Went to a friend's birthday party at the beach....um....
hmm.
I've just been hanging out with people. Chillin at houses, driving to Sunshine, watching scrubs...but really good memories.
So i go through times where my self confidence falters, or i worry about how i act with other people, with them liking me, or if i'll be boring, annoying... And I've been doing okay with that lately. I was just thinking about it today...and how not really trying to be anyone, and just being, observing, giving imput
has really been good.
I just feel good lately
excited.
I smell like a
redhead in bed
: )
went to the renaissance fair today. yup.
As you may/may not know, i have this intense paranoia when going to sleep, and it's gotten really bad lately. When I make my way down to my room, i have to turn on/off different lights, and it freaks me out whenever it's dark for a second. and i get to thinking. i never feel safe until the curtains are closed in my room, light on, door closed. This will sound like im being an attention whore (but since no one reads this then i really am not), but the other night i was convinced i was going to die and was debating calling my friend at 2am to leave the house and have him meet me. I didnt know what to do...
okay
way to turn this entry into a downer.
er.
but im HAPPY lately : )
loveLOVElove
But things have been good...what HAVE i been doing?
Bought Harry Potter... and i guess im not too cool because i havent finished yet. I'm only in the 200's. Watched the saddle creek documentary again (which caused me to buy the album "lullaby for the working class"). Went to a friend's birthday party at the beach....um....
hmm.
I've just been hanging out with people. Chillin at houses, driving to Sunshine, watching scrubs...but really good memories.
So i go through times where my self confidence falters, or i worry about how i act with other people, with them liking me, or if i'll be boring, annoying... And I've been doing okay with that lately. I was just thinking about it today...and how not really trying to be anyone, and just being, observing, giving imput
has really been good.
I just feel good lately
excited.
I smell like a
redhead in bed
: )
went to the renaissance fair today. yup.
As you may/may not know, i have this intense paranoia when going to sleep, and it's gotten really bad lately. When I make my way down to my room, i have to turn on/off different lights, and it freaks me out whenever it's dark for a second. and i get to thinking. i never feel safe until the curtains are closed in my room, light on, door closed. This will sound like im being an attention whore (but since no one reads this then i really am not), but the other night i was convinced i was going to die and was debating calling my friend at 2am to leave the house and have him meet me. I didnt know what to do...
okay
way to turn this entry into a downer.
er.
but im HAPPY lately : )
loveLOVElove
Thursday, July 19, 2007
i smoke because i love music
It's been a few days...and I've been having a lot of fun just doing random things with friends. Spending time eating ice cream, making pudding, watching movies, going to the movies, baking, sleeping, late night adventures. It's just been really good.
Last night my friend was at work and she said "how are you?" and i was all smiley and said "really good. great! it's amazing" and she smiles and said "is that sarcastic at all?"
and its not. but she's right to wonder because so often there are things bringing me down, but not now. I mean, little things here and there but they are nothing compared to just normally.
And I'm happy to be able to tell her I'm good.
I have less than a month before I go back to school, it's unbelievable. Yesterday downtown a friend and I were agreeing that summer isn't really it's own thing, its just a short break. What really separates one year of school from another? a short break?
My sister got a letter from the senate today, because she has been writing letters
it makes me impressed
and once again, i should be writing some myself.
and i love music
someone said to me "i smoke because i love music"
and man, music sure is beautiful.
Last night my friend was at work and she said "how are you?" and i was all smiley and said "really good. great! it's amazing" and she smiles and said "is that sarcastic at all?"
and its not. but she's right to wonder because so often there are things bringing me down, but not now. I mean, little things here and there but they are nothing compared to just normally.
And I'm happy to be able to tell her I'm good.
I have less than a month before I go back to school, it's unbelievable. Yesterday downtown a friend and I were agreeing that summer isn't really it's own thing, its just a short break. What really separates one year of school from another? a short break?
My sister got a letter from the senate today, because she has been writing letters
it makes me impressed
and once again, i should be writing some myself.
and i love music
someone said to me "i smoke because i love music"
and man, music sure is beautiful.
Monday, July 16, 2007
There Is More Than One Name For It
I'm just thinking a lot right now. This summer has been a series of days, but good ones nonetheless.
Today I went to the beach, came back exhausted, then went to a friends party and watched a movie. Which put me in a thinking mood. So i chose to come home instead of go bowling, and as i drove home i thought. I thought about a lot of things that make sense to me.
I came home and took a shower, then filled the bathtub and laid down. I closed my eyes and was just resting, thinking, late at night. Eventually I thought maybe i shouldnt fall asleep in the bath, so i got out and wrapped a towel around me. My mother was upstairs and i heard her turn off the tv and walk to her room. I said goodnight. I didnt really ask where my dad was, and even now that he's home i havent.
I can't read my mothers mind. I can guess.
My sister is at a friends house.
I made it sound like my parents fight, like i have family problems, thats not it.
im in this mood where i want to write. but its just not here not now.
okay?
lovelovelove
claudia
Today I went to the beach, came back exhausted, then went to a friends party and watched a movie. Which put me in a thinking mood. So i chose to come home instead of go bowling, and as i drove home i thought. I thought about a lot of things that make sense to me.
I came home and took a shower, then filled the bathtub and laid down. I closed my eyes and was just resting, thinking, late at night. Eventually I thought maybe i shouldnt fall asleep in the bath, so i got out and wrapped a towel around me. My mother was upstairs and i heard her turn off the tv and walk to her room. I said goodnight. I didnt really ask where my dad was, and even now that he's home i havent.
I can't read my mothers mind. I can guess.
My sister is at a friends house.
I made it sound like my parents fight, like i have family problems, thats not it.
im in this mood where i want to write. but its just not here not now.
okay?
lovelovelove
claudia
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Wishing Isn't Doing
Today was a solid day.
I woke up for the swapmeet, purchased some records, a hat, a shirt, markers, a map of the moon, cds. . .
then went to house of bagels, where i'd never been, and i really liked it.
off to work at 1130 till 530. I was pretty tired and it was really hot out, but work was still fine.
After work I went to my friends house, where we found a sick bird by her hottub. We relocated it and then started finding this blood and tracing it into her garage where there was another bird. We tried to do what we could for the birds and it reminded me how much i care about the little things and how worried i get about them. Like when i get home at night i always make sure people mind the snails that gather on the walkway.
Then i went to a concert downtown that was really fun. It was eddie bunsen and the burners, iamb, threes and nines, and candle. I actually liked all of them, and i think i liked the crowd more than the people from the other night. Not meaning who I went with, but who was there.
So now I'm home again, ive been gone most every day all day.
I could go to the beach tomorrow, and I might, but part of me wants to rest at home.
By the 20th i need to have a book read and i havent started it. Maybe tomorrow I should buy it?
lovelovelove
claudia
I woke up for the swapmeet, purchased some records, a hat, a shirt, markers, a map of the moon, cds. . .
then went to house of bagels, where i'd never been, and i really liked it.
off to work at 1130 till 530. I was pretty tired and it was really hot out, but work was still fine.
After work I went to my friends house, where we found a sick bird by her hottub. We relocated it and then started finding this blood and tracing it into her garage where there was another bird. We tried to do what we could for the birds and it reminded me how much i care about the little things and how worried i get about them. Like when i get home at night i always make sure people mind the snails that gather on the walkway.
Then i went to a concert downtown that was really fun. It was eddie bunsen and the burners, iamb, threes and nines, and candle. I actually liked all of them, and i think i liked the crowd more than the people from the other night. Not meaning who I went with, but who was there.
So now I'm home again, ive been gone most every day all day.
I could go to the beach tomorrow, and I might, but part of me wants to rest at home.
By the 20th i need to have a book read and i havent started it. Maybe tomorrow I should buy it?
lovelovelove
claudia
Saturday, July 14, 2007
My Compy Underlines in Red "okay" and Suggests "Tokay"
Today is Saturday. And the other post was Friday.
I'm an Aunt! My cousin had twins today (over a month early i think). They each weigh four pounds, I think this is small. Names are Madison and Riley, which I think are really good names. Now I have to see my cousin (and it's been 8 years).
Today was an okay day.
I slept in, and woke up in pain because my throat hurt really bad. I was trying not to talk.
Made plans to go to the swapmeet tomorrow morning, and im excited because im keeping my eyes open for a few different things.
Was planning on hanging out with a friend, and until then I chilled at home. Ate some food my mom made, sat at the computer, sat on my bed wondering how to feel better.
I was about to start a book when my friend called so i left my house to meet her.
On my way i picked up a cd a friend made (yay.) and stood in the road in a semi-organized circle.
When I got to my friend's we ate a bunch of food, then went to work. I felt really full from having just ate. And I was really tired. I yawned ninety million times. And work wasn't very fun. There was a decent amount of fans, but work seemed slow. A guy from the pit was working register, which was kind of fun because he'd walk up to me all the time and give the biggest and longest hugs. I love people. My boss didn't want me going on break the same time as my friend, which made me bummed. Eventually I went on break and got a specially prepared dinner then sat with my friend (who quit but was back for the game). I wanted to leave work early because I felt sick, and when I started crying I especially felt stupid. I stood outside and breathed some fresh air as I started to clean up. And I was fine.
Split tips with the five people left (which was nice because we usually don't get tips).
Got off work relatively early.
I was thinking about maybe skipping compy tonight, but obviously that's not happening.
I AM (however) listening to the mix that was made, and it's good : )
I really want to make someone a mix soon because we have really cool blank cds and i want to go crazy decorating them.
Okay. Tomorrow will be good. Swapmeet. Work. Chill. Concert.
lovelovelove
claudia
I'm an Aunt! My cousin had twins today (over a month early i think). They each weigh four pounds, I think this is small. Names are Madison and Riley, which I think are really good names. Now I have to see my cousin (and it's been 8 years).
Today was an okay day.
I slept in, and woke up in pain because my throat hurt really bad. I was trying not to talk.
Made plans to go to the swapmeet tomorrow morning, and im excited because im keeping my eyes open for a few different things.
Was planning on hanging out with a friend, and until then I chilled at home. Ate some food my mom made, sat at the computer, sat on my bed wondering how to feel better.
I was about to start a book when my friend called so i left my house to meet her.
On my way i picked up a cd a friend made (yay.) and stood in the road in a semi-organized circle.
When I got to my friend's we ate a bunch of food, then went to work. I felt really full from having just ate. And I was really tired. I yawned ninety million times. And work wasn't very fun. There was a decent amount of fans, but work seemed slow. A guy from the pit was working register, which was kind of fun because he'd walk up to me all the time and give the biggest and longest hugs. I love people. My boss didn't want me going on break the same time as my friend, which made me bummed. Eventually I went on break and got a specially prepared dinner then sat with my friend (who quit but was back for the game). I wanted to leave work early because I felt sick, and when I started crying I especially felt stupid. I stood outside and breathed some fresh air as I started to clean up. And I was fine.
Split tips with the five people left (which was nice because we usually don't get tips).
Got off work relatively early.
I was thinking about maybe skipping compy tonight, but obviously that's not happening.
I AM (however) listening to the mix that was made, and it's good : )
I really want to make someone a mix soon because we have really cool blank cds and i want to go crazy decorating them.
Okay. Tomorrow will be good. Swapmeet. Work. Chill. Concert.
lovelovelove
claudia
Days Are Good
I guess I'm not very good at this blog thing. Because i forget. But i dont think i should feel obliged to do this. It's just for fun.
Okay so. Last night I went downtown to farmers, and eventually met a friend for dinner. We got into talking about problems in the world, what can be done, and what needs to be done. It just overwhelms me. . .
It actually made me want to cry, talking about it all.
Today I hung out with my friend all day, it was pretty fun. Went exploring los osos, to the library, for ice cream. The weather was gorgeous. Very warm out, not cold at all : ) heh.
Everyone at work is falling in love with hugs. It's great.
I suppose other things are running through my mind, but thats all i have to say for now.
lovelovelove
Okay so. Last night I went downtown to farmers, and eventually met a friend for dinner. We got into talking about problems in the world, what can be done, and what needs to be done. It just overwhelms me. . .
It actually made me want to cry, talking about it all.
Today I hung out with my friend all day, it was pretty fun. Went exploring los osos, to the library, for ice cream. The weather was gorgeous. Very warm out, not cold at all : ) heh.
Everyone at work is falling in love with hugs. It's great.
I suppose other things are running through my mind, but thats all i have to say for now.
lovelovelove
Thursday, July 12, 2007
I'm Managing Well
Okay so I'm really behind on these because the last two or so days have been crazy(ly amazing).
So on Tuesday I went to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. First I met up with Kelsey, walked around (sans shoes), got some dinner, bought the interpol cd (and got a free 45). Waited in line starting around seven. I get in these moods where im in awe of people. and there were just so many people. And its not even just that there were a lot of people, but i find it fascinating how everyone connects. Everyone knows each other through random people, and i think it's the coolest thing ever.
The movie was pretty good. I could criticize different aspects of it, but I'll just leave it at: i had fun.
After the movie i went to sunshine donuts with a group of people. I was there until four in the morning. Talked about Vampires, God, People, etc. But it was really great conversation. I was proud of myself because i felt like i held my ground well. But I won't get into that now.
So around four i thought i should go home, so kelsey came over. Chilled, went on the computer, got a facebook at 4am (boo claudia!). And at 6am we decided to go to bed.
Woke up late...got dressed. At two my sister and mom came home from spain. Got some sweet shirts they brought back (and a dress, necklace, etc). So that was cool.
Then Kelsey and I went to Skyla's house and adopted some clothes...
Then I went to Kelsey's, ate food, went in her backyard.
Went to work for two hours.
Went back downtown and met Kelsey, Nicole, Skyla, Nicolita, and Thomas there for a concert. It was stepsonday, sparrows gate, briertone, and blesk. It was definetly a good time and the concert went longer than planned (till about 1130). It was Blesk's last concert, which is kind odd to me because they were the first local band i started listening to, and then gradually i started following other ones to the point where now i go to these shows for bands i like and keep branching out. It's great. I guess it's sad that it was their last show, but I think im okay with that. It almost seems right to me. Like we're all moving on. Im not really sure how to explain this right now.
So I bought these two shirts where the money goes to support an orphanage in Africa.
It's sad how much money I've been spending lately.
I took out 80 dollars the other day, and the following day had to take more out. Which is really sad. But I still think I manage my money well. I mean, 48 of those dollars went to my dad to pay car insurance. Then food, a cd, buying my sister a shirt, etc.
So it was around 1145 when i left to take kelsey home (she can't drive because of her knee). Thomas drove Nicolita to my house, and she spent the night.
We stayed up talking,
and went to bed at 5 am.
Slept in today. We got up and Thomas came over. Exchanged music. Then his friend came over and we sat around (talking about the sewer system?)
So...just basically I've been really busy
(but happy)
Tonight I'm going to try and see my friend before she leaves to Africa (tomorrow i think). It'd just be nice to see her because she'll be gone a month.
Life is so crazy right now...
And anyways. I'm managing.
lovelovelove
claudia
So on Tuesday I went to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. First I met up with Kelsey, walked around (sans shoes), got some dinner, bought the interpol cd (and got a free 45). Waited in line starting around seven. I get in these moods where im in awe of people. and there were just so many people. And its not even just that there were a lot of people, but i find it fascinating how everyone connects. Everyone knows each other through random people, and i think it's the coolest thing ever.
The movie was pretty good. I could criticize different aspects of it, but I'll just leave it at: i had fun.
After the movie i went to sunshine donuts with a group of people. I was there until four in the morning. Talked about Vampires, God, People, etc. But it was really great conversation. I was proud of myself because i felt like i held my ground well. But I won't get into that now.
So around four i thought i should go home, so kelsey came over. Chilled, went on the computer, got a facebook at 4am (boo claudia!). And at 6am we decided to go to bed.
Woke up late...got dressed. At two my sister and mom came home from spain. Got some sweet shirts they brought back (and a dress, necklace, etc). So that was cool.
Then Kelsey and I went to Skyla's house and adopted some clothes...
Then I went to Kelsey's, ate food, went in her backyard.
Went to work for two hours.
Went back downtown and met Kelsey, Nicole, Skyla, Nicolita, and Thomas there for a concert. It was stepsonday, sparrows gate, briertone, and blesk. It was definetly a good time and the concert went longer than planned (till about 1130). It was Blesk's last concert, which is kind odd to me because they were the first local band i started listening to, and then gradually i started following other ones to the point where now i go to these shows for bands i like and keep branching out. It's great. I guess it's sad that it was their last show, but I think im okay with that. It almost seems right to me. Like we're all moving on. Im not really sure how to explain this right now.
So I bought these two shirts where the money goes to support an orphanage in Africa.
It's sad how much money I've been spending lately.
I took out 80 dollars the other day, and the following day had to take more out. Which is really sad. But I still think I manage my money well. I mean, 48 of those dollars went to my dad to pay car insurance. Then food, a cd, buying my sister a shirt, etc.
So it was around 1145 when i left to take kelsey home (she can't drive because of her knee). Thomas drove Nicolita to my house, and she spent the night.
We stayed up talking,
and went to bed at 5 am.
Slept in today. We got up and Thomas came over. Exchanged music. Then his friend came over and we sat around (talking about the sewer system?)
So...just basically I've been really busy
(but happy)
Tonight I'm going to try and see my friend before she leaves to Africa (tomorrow i think). It'd just be nice to see her because she'll be gone a month.
Life is so crazy right now...
And anyways. I'm managing.
lovelovelove
claudia
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Specifics on the General Idea
Life is really good right now. I realized how vague i've been in my blogs so...
i never mentioned that i saw sicko. well i did, and it was great.
ive realized that i wont be happy in life unless i do something to help other people and our society. so i think i'll go into something with social services, maybe work with a women's shelter, orphans, the food industry, etc. I just think that there are so many things that need to be done. Maybe if i love photography then i can incorporate that into it. example: be a journalist and photograph what i think other people need to open their eyes to. i dont know. but i at least im thinking about it all now.
i got my ap scores in the mail and the result is that i dont feel like i wasted my year. and i dont feel worthless when it comes to school (which is how id been feeling lately with finals then standardized tests).
im going to the midnight show of harry potter and im excited. ill probably be leaving in two or three hours. before i go i need to do some chores (cleaning my sisters room-yeah i know that sounds weird-washing the car).
im going to buy the interpol cd today also. and i have a feeling that ill be buying kaiser chiefs soon too.
yesterday after work i had fun hanging out with my friend, then went to waffle night at linneas. the group of people i went to will never cease to surprise me. the group grows larger and larger with more and more interesting people every time. i hope that i can spend more time with them all.
i got kinda quiet and one point...and i notice ive been doing that a lot lately. i dont like the idea of people seeing me as a quiet little girl who doesnt talk. because i DO talk. im not sure why i get in these weird moods.
i am listening to the most mainstream rap song you can come up with. and i really like it.
hi im bizarre.
but really happy.
thankyou.
:)
lovelovelove
claudia
i never mentioned that i saw sicko. well i did, and it was great.
ive realized that i wont be happy in life unless i do something to help other people and our society. so i think i'll go into something with social services, maybe work with a women's shelter, orphans, the food industry, etc. I just think that there are so many things that need to be done. Maybe if i love photography then i can incorporate that into it. example: be a journalist and photograph what i think other people need to open their eyes to. i dont know. but i at least im thinking about it all now.
i got my ap scores in the mail and the result is that i dont feel like i wasted my year. and i dont feel worthless when it comes to school (which is how id been feeling lately with finals then standardized tests).
im going to the midnight show of harry potter and im excited. ill probably be leaving in two or three hours. before i go i need to do some chores (cleaning my sisters room-yeah i know that sounds weird-washing the car).
im going to buy the interpol cd today also. and i have a feeling that ill be buying kaiser chiefs soon too.
yesterday after work i had fun hanging out with my friend, then went to waffle night at linneas. the group of people i went to will never cease to surprise me. the group grows larger and larger with more and more interesting people every time. i hope that i can spend more time with them all.
i got kinda quiet and one point...and i notice ive been doing that a lot lately. i dont like the idea of people seeing me as a quiet little girl who doesnt talk. because i DO talk. im not sure why i get in these weird moods.
i am listening to the most mainstream rap song you can come up with. and i really like it.
hi im bizarre.
but really happy.
thankyou.
:)
lovelovelove
claudia
Monday, July 9, 2007
I Won't Complain Today
Woah i didnt write a blog yesterday!
So life is good. In a few minutes im going to a friends house and he is taking me to a secret treehouse that ive been to before, but have forgotten the location of. im very excited.
im also excited because i feel like there are so many people to hang out with. people are back in town from far away voyages, and im finding time to see everyone. :)
work is still fun. I was thinking today about how come august, work will be over...and i wont know what to do. Not because i wont have anything to do, but because i like working, and i dont want to have to find another job. i dont know where i want to work...
its sunny out here in osos. :) very pleasant.
My mom and sister come back wednesday (or thursday? im hoping thursday because wednesday night ill definetly be gone at a concert and ill be expected to be home if its their first night back). my sister and i have been getting along well via e-mails and such, and i wonder what'll happen when she's back here.
Harry Potter midnight premiere is tomorrow, and im way excited. I need to buckle down and re-read a few chapters tonight. Then theres a bunch of concerts coming up, so im excited for that.
Things with friends are good. With everyone. Its great. Usually things are weird with one or two people, but everything right now is good.
Im going through a "life is good" phase.
Ill let ya know if it ends.
kay
im going to go exploring now
AND interpol cd comes out tomorrow! (and i want the new kaiser chiefs one)
lovelovelove
claudia
So life is good. In a few minutes im going to a friends house and he is taking me to a secret treehouse that ive been to before, but have forgotten the location of. im very excited.
im also excited because i feel like there are so many people to hang out with. people are back in town from far away voyages, and im finding time to see everyone. :)
work is still fun. I was thinking today about how come august, work will be over...and i wont know what to do. Not because i wont have anything to do, but because i like working, and i dont want to have to find another job. i dont know where i want to work...
its sunny out here in osos. :) very pleasant.
My mom and sister come back wednesday (or thursday? im hoping thursday because wednesday night ill definetly be gone at a concert and ill be expected to be home if its their first night back). my sister and i have been getting along well via e-mails and such, and i wonder what'll happen when she's back here.
Harry Potter midnight premiere is tomorrow, and im way excited. I need to buckle down and re-read a few chapters tonight. Then theres a bunch of concerts coming up, so im excited for that.
Things with friends are good. With everyone. Its great. Usually things are weird with one or two people, but everything right now is good.
Im going through a "life is good" phase.
Ill let ya know if it ends.
kay
im going to go exploring now
AND interpol cd comes out tomorrow! (and i want the new kaiser chiefs one)
lovelovelove
claudia
Sunday, July 8, 2007
I Love Love, Yes I Do (Even When Its Weight Cripples You)
This post totally counts for July 7th.
So I had another good day.
Went with a friend to see my friend at her swimmeet, and I'm really glad I went. I hadn't seen her in forever and it was nice to sit and chill as they cleaned the pool for thirty minutes...Gave her a journal that I needed to pass on to her and had been hogging. Then went with first friend to a picnic downtown, which (as far as picnics go), was really good. We had delicious cheese, bread, fruit, etc. And that was a really good time. Then we just walked around and chilled basically.
At work I got stressed doing register because i just felt really confused and kept doing really stupid things. The game seemed pretty slow too. I was glad when it was over...
And anyways (anti summary remember?), so im good now.
My dad wasn't here when i got home at 12, which didnt make me too nervous, but i expected some kind of note or phone call. He just got home a few minutes ago... and i dont think it occured to him that he really should have told me he wouldnt be here. It was just odd.
So I love music right? And I'll be listening to a song and think about how i really want to be with someone and softly sing into their ear. And I dont have that great of a voice, so that probably just sounds creepy, but it'd be a sweet chill comfortable kinda way. Because it'd be a good song with perfect lyrics.
Im listening to frou frou now (because my friend picked it out and he's super awesome), and it was a good pick. I havent listened to this album as a whole in a while, and i like it.
It's late now, looks like i wont be getting to bed any earlier than i usually do.
I had delicious tea.
You should come over and have some.
Goodnight,
lovelovelove
claudia
So I had another good day.
Went with a friend to see my friend at her swimmeet, and I'm really glad I went. I hadn't seen her in forever and it was nice to sit and chill as they cleaned the pool for thirty minutes...Gave her a journal that I needed to pass on to her and had been hogging. Then went with first friend to a picnic downtown, which (as far as picnics go), was really good. We had delicious cheese, bread, fruit, etc. And that was a really good time. Then we just walked around and chilled basically.
At work I got stressed doing register because i just felt really confused and kept doing really stupid things. The game seemed pretty slow too. I was glad when it was over...
And anyways (anti summary remember?), so im good now.
My dad wasn't here when i got home at 12, which didnt make me too nervous, but i expected some kind of note or phone call. He just got home a few minutes ago... and i dont think it occured to him that he really should have told me he wouldnt be here. It was just odd.
So I love music right? And I'll be listening to a song and think about how i really want to be with someone and softly sing into their ear. And I dont have that great of a voice, so that probably just sounds creepy, but it'd be a sweet chill comfortable kinda way. Because it'd be a good song with perfect lyrics.
Im listening to frou frou now (because my friend picked it out and he's super awesome), and it was a good pick. I havent listened to this album as a whole in a while, and i like it.
It's late now, looks like i wont be getting to bed any earlier than i usually do.
I had delicious tea.
You should come over and have some.
Goodnight,
lovelovelove
claudia
Friday, July 6, 2007
I Feel Right
*trying to remember the last time i had such a great day*
Today was awesome. It was awesome because i spent the whole day with the same people focusing on one thing. And it was chill. No rush.
It started off meeting at rite aid in osos for ice cream (which, i must say, is always amazing). From there we drove into a neighborhood and got out and walked on a trail.
Taking off shoes, the sand was the perfect warm. I let my feet sink into it, our eyes on the lookout for lithards. From far away we spotted a steep dune, that was the target. Walking through bushes, we made our way up the sand. Spending time trapping a lithard, and collecting the cardboard boxes cast along the slope. We left our things in a pile by a bush, and made our way to the dunes. Trying to find the steepest. Taking the lightest steps possible. Selecting dunes. Run and jump, roll, swim, go backwards. Lay down, relax. Listen to the sand, look at it, make the damn bitch dirt clod fall. Bury her, climb back up, look upside down and it's flat. It's trippy. Run back down, trip her. Camels. Somersault down. Exhausted. Back to things, lay down. Sleep. Sleep and feel warm. Three lollipops, given out. Lay, relax. Cloudy. Wind.
Hike down.
Inside, brush off. Piles of sand. Make a pizza. Pull out a puzzle. We HAVE the border pieces? What? SOLID!
sexy peaches. hottie body? sexy peaches he is a betch. sexy peaches what are you doing? now sexy peaches...
listen to records. listen to whole albums.
it.was.amazing.
Just such a great day because it was an adventure and I was up for anything.
Was my last adventure before this at one am, on a trail in the dark and going through creeks and along steep edges?
Sorry, but i had to make this entry a summary.
Other than that, I'm not sure what is going through my mind, other than today: i feel right.
And I like when I feel right.
lovelovelove
claudia
Today was awesome. It was awesome because i spent the whole day with the same people focusing on one thing. And it was chill. No rush.
It started off meeting at rite aid in osos for ice cream (which, i must say, is always amazing). From there we drove into a neighborhood and got out and walked on a trail.
Taking off shoes, the sand was the perfect warm. I let my feet sink into it, our eyes on the lookout for lithards. From far away we spotted a steep dune, that was the target. Walking through bushes, we made our way up the sand. Spending time trapping a lithard, and collecting the cardboard boxes cast along the slope. We left our things in a pile by a bush, and made our way to the dunes. Trying to find the steepest. Taking the lightest steps possible. Selecting dunes. Run and jump, roll, swim, go backwards. Lay down, relax. Listen to the sand, look at it, make the damn bitch dirt clod fall. Bury her, climb back up, look upside down and it's flat. It's trippy. Run back down, trip her. Camels. Somersault down. Exhausted. Back to things, lay down. Sleep. Sleep and feel warm. Three lollipops, given out. Lay, relax. Cloudy. Wind.
Hike down.
Inside, brush off. Piles of sand. Make a pizza. Pull out a puzzle. We HAVE the border pieces? What? SOLID!
sexy peaches. hottie body? sexy peaches he is a betch. sexy peaches what are you doing? now sexy peaches...
listen to records. listen to whole albums.
it.was.amazing.
Just such a great day because it was an adventure and I was up for anything.
Was my last adventure before this at one am, on a trail in the dark and going through creeks and along steep edges?
Sorry, but i had to make this entry a summary.
Other than that, I'm not sure what is going through my mind, other than today: i feel right.
And I like when I feel right.
lovelovelove
claudia
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Dude She's Crazy
I'll start with brief summaries. Drove to Huasna yesterday (with a friend from SLO). Saw some fireworks, road in a truck bed, talked, slept. It's vague, but it was fun.
Today woke up. Hit by pillow. Cereal. Drive, drive to mechanics, drive home. Shower when part of me wants to sleep. Computer briefly. Mac n' cheese. Play tennis with dad. I don't call him "Dad".
When playing I get annoyed at his lobs, which he does on purpose as a defensive strategy. I find it weak and it gets annoying. But we have a close match and I'm glad I went afterall.
Downtown (and pick up a friend). Get paid to see a movie (and have the movie paid). Dinner bought. Talking. Walking. Embarrassment.
The thing is I dont want this blog to be a summary of my life, rather a summary of my thoughts.
So my thoughts right now are of how lame i am. And i worry saying that because i dont want people to think its in hopes of hearing "Nah you're not lame!" because really, i am. I don't know, its just that i wonder why i say half of the things i do. I've thought about trying to just NOT talk...but half of me strongly hates how i keep to myself more and more. I used to be friendlier, not too self conscious. and its not that im NOT friendly now,or that im uber self conscious, i just get really shy and feel stupid really easily now. Right now for instance, i feel stupid.
and it makes me not want to talk.
ever.
I think part of it is that when i do speak my mind i imagine people thinking "she's saying this to get attention" or that im showing off for having whatever belief. and i HATE thinking that. i really do. it's killing me.
i dont know what to do with myself.
and its hard to explain this. because i dont have ridiculously low self-esteem, and i know im not totally lame, but i can be lame, and i get frustrated with myself.
Also i was thinking about getting to know people right now. And wondering if they're getting to know me, or getting to know a person i want them to know. if that makes sense. I want them to know me and i hope i AM me. these are the cliche questions we're supposed to ask ourselves.
ask, ask away.
lovelovelove
claudia
Today woke up. Hit by pillow. Cereal. Drive, drive to mechanics, drive home. Shower when part of me wants to sleep. Computer briefly. Mac n' cheese. Play tennis with dad. I don't call him "Dad".
When playing I get annoyed at his lobs, which he does on purpose as a defensive strategy. I find it weak and it gets annoying. But we have a close match and I'm glad I went afterall.
Downtown (and pick up a friend). Get paid to see a movie (and have the movie paid). Dinner bought. Talking. Walking. Embarrassment.
The thing is I dont want this blog to be a summary of my life, rather a summary of my thoughts.
So my thoughts right now are of how lame i am. And i worry saying that because i dont want people to think its in hopes of hearing "Nah you're not lame!" because really, i am. I don't know, its just that i wonder why i say half of the things i do. I've thought about trying to just NOT talk...but half of me strongly hates how i keep to myself more and more. I used to be friendlier, not too self conscious. and its not that im NOT friendly now,or that im uber self conscious, i just get really shy and feel stupid really easily now. Right now for instance, i feel stupid.
and it makes me not want to talk.
ever.
I think part of it is that when i do speak my mind i imagine people thinking "she's saying this to get attention" or that im showing off for having whatever belief. and i HATE thinking that. i really do. it's killing me.
i dont know what to do with myself.
and its hard to explain this. because i dont have ridiculously low self-esteem, and i know im not totally lame, but i can be lame, and i get frustrated with myself.
Also i was thinking about getting to know people right now. And wondering if they're getting to know me, or getting to know a person i want them to know. if that makes sense. I want them to know me and i hope i AM me. these are the cliche questions we're supposed to ask ourselves.
ask, ask away.
lovelovelove
claudia
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Acting On Beliefs
So I thought I'd write before I go to my friend's fourth of july party in about an hour.
Alarm goes off at 1030. turn it off and call a friend before she goes to work. Then resume sleeping. at 1130 my dad shouts down that we should go to breakfast and to wake up. I mumble something, and resume sleeping. At 12 he yells "are you up?" and i say yes. At1230 he realizes im still sleeping, and i get out of bed and go to lunch. haha. i cant remember the last time i slept in that much.
Filling out scholarships forms i can tell my dad is just as confused. At one point he says "I need to go clean out my car" and leaves for a good ten minutes. I thought he'd just driven away to avoid the situation. haha.
So I'm facing a problem I keep coming back to. And its me being a hypocrit. More specifically, concerning what I believe in in terms of our environment and fellow animals. In May I decided to no longer eat beef because I dont believe in the way workers are treated. But there are some local places that treat workers just fine, and those I would be okay supporting. Since May I have eaten beef maybe 5 or 6 times. Here is why:
I dont know where the beef is coming from. Once when I asked in a restaurant and they laughed at me. So what can I do? I've read about the way animals and workers are treated, and it makes me want to not eat any meat. But I dont trust myself to say "im now a vegetarian" because i know i'll just eat meat in a few days. And the thing is that ISNT enough. I'd have to be a vegan. Because animals are treated badly.
It just gets so confusing to me. I'll eat meat and such if i know where its coming from, but when i'm eating out how can i know? I can't just ask the waiter where they get their meat because he/she won't know. So I just don't know what to do. I don't want to support corporations that have bad policies, and I will support corporations that make an effort to be moral.
It just kills me.
I have all these beliefs about the environment and I dont act on them. And part of me doesnt because I just don't know how to.
Anyways.
For the most part that's what's on my mind right now.
lovelovelove
claudia
Alarm goes off at 1030. turn it off and call a friend before she goes to work. Then resume sleeping. at 1130 my dad shouts down that we should go to breakfast and to wake up. I mumble something, and resume sleeping. At 12 he yells "are you up?" and i say yes. At1230 he realizes im still sleeping, and i get out of bed and go to lunch. haha. i cant remember the last time i slept in that much.
Filling out scholarships forms i can tell my dad is just as confused. At one point he says "I need to go clean out my car" and leaves for a good ten minutes. I thought he'd just driven away to avoid the situation. haha.
So I'm facing a problem I keep coming back to. And its me being a hypocrit. More specifically, concerning what I believe in in terms of our environment and fellow animals. In May I decided to no longer eat beef because I dont believe in the way workers are treated. But there are some local places that treat workers just fine, and those I would be okay supporting. Since May I have eaten beef maybe 5 or 6 times. Here is why:
I dont know where the beef is coming from. Once when I asked in a restaurant and they laughed at me. So what can I do? I've read about the way animals and workers are treated, and it makes me want to not eat any meat. But I dont trust myself to say "im now a vegetarian" because i know i'll just eat meat in a few days. And the thing is that ISNT enough. I'd have to be a vegan. Because animals are treated badly.
It just gets so confusing to me. I'll eat meat and such if i know where its coming from, but when i'm eating out how can i know? I can't just ask the waiter where they get their meat because he/she won't know. So I just don't know what to do. I don't want to support corporations that have bad policies, and I will support corporations that make an effort to be moral.
It just kills me.
I have all these beliefs about the environment and I dont act on them. And part of me doesnt because I just don't know how to.
Anyways.
For the most part that's what's on my mind right now.
lovelovelove
claudia
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
lock-myself-in-my-room-kind-of-mood.
So I'm not in a great mood (because I'm weird like that).
I called my friend and said "do you want to come over and make me food" and she said "you want me to come make you food?". I offered my help...
So I'm starting to apply for scholarships and I hate it. Especially when there are hidden motives like "thank you for spending an hour writing an essay, now if you pay us money we'll put you in the drawing for one of our scholarships!". fuck you man, fuck you. I just get stressed easily and try to avoid stress when I can...
I'm currently annoyed with my father. I don't want to get into it but basically I just think he's being ridiculous and in turn he thinks I'm being ridiculous.
What a vague explanation hu? go me.
It's not sunnny out over here, but I guess that's fine by me. I really should eat something because I havent had breakfast (or lunch) yet. I'll probably end up making mac n' cheese.
I suddenly don't feel like socializing much. I know tonight and tomorrow night I'm invited to these sleepover/parties but I'm in this mood right now where I kind of want to just lock myself up in my room. and sleep? listen to music?
I don't even understand myself and I expect others to?
I think I just feel overwhelmed...
lovelovelove(still)
Claudia
p.s. today in one of the drawers of my desk i found this watercolor set with the number three and i randomly remembered that in fifth grade i had somehow taken it home (did i do this on purpose?) and i never turned it in, even if it was part of the class set. I used it today. I also got really annoyed at my house (yup, the house) because I couldnt find a set of colored pencils OR crayons. And if people placed bets on which of our houses were to have that, you'd think it would be mine. I almost went to go buy some, but then (like i said) i was in a lock myself in my room kind of mood.
go.me.
I called my friend and said "do you want to come over and make me food" and she said "you want me to come make you food?". I offered my help...
So I'm starting to apply for scholarships and I hate it. Especially when there are hidden motives like "thank you for spending an hour writing an essay, now if you pay us money we'll put you in the drawing for one of our scholarships!". fuck you man, fuck you. I just get stressed easily and try to avoid stress when I can...
I'm currently annoyed with my father. I don't want to get into it but basically I just think he's being ridiculous and in turn he thinks I'm being ridiculous.
What a vague explanation hu? go me.
It's not sunnny out over here, but I guess that's fine by me. I really should eat something because I havent had breakfast (or lunch) yet. I'll probably end up making mac n' cheese.
I suddenly don't feel like socializing much. I know tonight and tomorrow night I'm invited to these sleepover/parties but I'm in this mood right now where I kind of want to just lock myself up in my room. and sleep? listen to music?
I don't even understand myself and I expect others to?
I think I just feel overwhelmed...
lovelovelove(still)
Claudia
p.s. today in one of the drawers of my desk i found this watercolor set with the number three and i randomly remembered that in fifth grade i had somehow taken it home (did i do this on purpose?) and i never turned it in, even if it was part of the class set. I used it today. I also got really annoyed at my house (yup, the house) because I couldnt find a set of colored pencils OR crayons. And if people placed bets on which of our houses were to have that, you'd think it would be mine. I almost went to go buy some, but then (like i said) i was in a lock myself in my room kind of mood.
go.me.
Monday, July 2, 2007
i get attached easily.
I dont like that the post before this is on the second...because it's kinda part of the first since its written in the early hours of the second. but anyways.
I got my ACT scores today, and i did relatively well, so im glad. I know ill probably take them again anyways (because we are expected to?).
Ive noticed myself getting quiet randomly lately. I'll be really talkative then all of a sudden ill feel really...shy(?) and not really want to say anything. Just an observation.
Last night I was hanging out with a friend and found this canvas journal i definetly forgot existed. it was blank so im using it to write lyrics to songs i like.
i was just thinking "i hate that we're out of blank cds" and i look to my right and WAH-BAM! my dad bought more. :)
so i told my sister (who is in spain) that i started an online blog and her reply (via e-mail) was "you're such a loser!".
er...
Today's monday and postsecrets havent been updated so i dont know whats goin on.
In other news, the newest asofterworld comic i really like, and the caption (when your mouse is over the comic) is totally what makes it. "Mistakes aren't always regrets" and i fully agree with that. I've probably done a lot of stupid things, but i cant really think of any regrets i have. maybe one or two, but considering how much ive lived, i dont think i look back on much of it as a "regret". What happened happened and that makes me who i am today.
and im okay with the way i am now.
okayyy thats that.
lovelovelove
claudia
I got my ACT scores today, and i did relatively well, so im glad. I know ill probably take them again anyways (because we are expected to?).
Ive noticed myself getting quiet randomly lately. I'll be really talkative then all of a sudden ill feel really...shy(?) and not really want to say anything. Just an observation.
Last night I was hanging out with a friend and found this canvas journal i definetly forgot existed. it was blank so im using it to write lyrics to songs i like.
i was just thinking "i hate that we're out of blank cds" and i look to my right and WAH-BAM! my dad bought more. :)
so i told my sister (who is in spain) that i started an online blog and her reply (via e-mail) was "you're such a loser!".
er...
Today's monday and postsecrets havent been updated so i dont know whats goin on.
In other news, the newest asofterworld comic i really like, and the caption (when your mouse is over the comic) is totally what makes it. "Mistakes aren't always regrets" and i fully agree with that. I've probably done a lot of stupid things, but i cant really think of any regrets i have. maybe one or two, but considering how much ive lived, i dont think i look back on much of it as a "regret". What happened happened and that makes me who i am today.
and im okay with the way i am now.
okayyy thats that.
lovelovelove
claudia
To Me It's The First
It's getting late again, and a few hours ago there were so many things I thought I'd accomplish tonight.
Tonight when my friend was over I was trying to find this depeche mode i misplaced. i didnt find it but i found a bunch of other cds i'd thought i lost. including a pixies cd a friend from france burned for me. so im listening to that now.
im going to start to seriously research colleges. its sad how much time i spent telling myself i had plenty of time, and now i dont really have much time at all.
ive been as honest as possible lately...but i also understand that some people aren't totally like that in return.
wow i feel like this blog is off to a really lame start.
i dont know what to say now because i dont want it to have a really lame end.
i havent done any summer reading, and i have four books to read. er. ill get around to it.
all of a sudden i dont really know what to say
other than every day is just a random day off and i dont feel like they tie together
and um
okay well
im going to leave it at that for now
lovelovelove
claudia
Tonight when my friend was over I was trying to find this depeche mode i misplaced. i didnt find it but i found a bunch of other cds i'd thought i lost. including a pixies cd a friend from france burned for me. so im listening to that now.
im going to start to seriously research colleges. its sad how much time i spent telling myself i had plenty of time, and now i dont really have much time at all.
ive been as honest as possible lately...but i also understand that some people aren't totally like that in return.
wow i feel like this blog is off to a really lame start.
i dont know what to say now because i dont want it to have a really lame end.
i havent done any summer reading, and i have four books to read. er. ill get around to it.
all of a sudden i dont really know what to say
other than every day is just a random day off and i dont feel like they tie together
and um
okay well
im going to leave it at that for now
lovelovelove
claudia
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
