I want to think what I should know.

I feel unsure about a great deal of things. Typical emotional sentence that can be supported well and therefore is justified. To be brief, it is interesting to reflect on who I am friends with and who I am close with. I consider a handful of people to be my best friends but I wish I could tell you that there is one of them who knows me so much better than the rest. Interesting how my best friends aren't even the ones I hang out with these days. These days I hang out with a handful of people I am very close to, and those are the ones who know me better than the rest. Maybe it frightens me how my relationships with people fluctuate or how I don't know the concept of consistency. 

When I am upset I go into a minimal mode. That is, one in which I try and seem as minimilistic and simple as possible. I do not know if there is a desired effect to it, I think it is just how I start to act by default when I don't know how to act. Acting like nothing sometimes seems safer than acting like something. Similarly, I try and keep my things-i-wish-i-hadn't-said-thoughts to myself because repeating them out loud, if even to regret them, just never seems like the best of ideas. Besides, I don't regret....I just replay over and over and think about why it is okay that things are how they are. I believe a lot of people try and live this way: sans regrets. 

I think it can be healthy to regret things here and there....but the overwhelming majority points to "don't". I am in this majority.

Time to sleep. Time to work. 

Goodnight!

love.love.love.

We're Off The Rails.

Jackie wants me to go without a negative thought...

shoot.

I can ride my bike with no handlebars.

This past week has been crazy, to say the least.

I had a fabulous time with friends both Saturday night, and Sunday night. I chose to stay up Sunday night instead of sleeping before catching the train at 645 am. So I stayed up chatting and packed my bag around five am. Taking the train by myself was fabulous. Everything went smoothly and the train was relaxing, beautiful, and made me feel optimistic for so many reasons.

The train was crowded to I sat by one person from SB to LA and another from LA to SD. Both were interesting, though I talked to the second person more. She was fascinating. She must have been in her seventies. It was clear that she has lived fully and continues to. Regarding having time to do everything she said "You know, I'm probably in the last third of my life...and if you break it down I'm probably in the last fourth of my life, but that's okay" she still is so optimistic and has so many plans. 

Sarah and her family picked me up at the station, then Sarah and I went on a walk and caught up on life. Once at the house, we ate dinner. I then took the public transportation (metro? eh?) all by myself in a city i had never been to. And you know what? I got to my destination safely. I visited with my friend for two hours, and managed to catch the last...."trolly" at 1138 pm. There were some sketchy people, and some sad cases, but it was a good experience and just makes me anxious for this coming year.

In the morning I slept. Then we went to some museums in Balboa Park. From there we went straight to the station and Sarah rode back with me. Long story short we took a bus from SB to SLO and met Glasses Boy, an English prince named William. We passed notes to him until finally we just sat and talked. He is on a voyage, on his gap, with his friend who sleeps covered in newspaper. Chemistry boy vanished.

A fabulous end to the trip. 

Sarah and I then went to Dennys around one am.

That is my way of summing up my crazy life at this point. Details must be left out.

I hope you all are well.

Goodnight.

love.love.love.

Try to relax and slow my heartbeat.

I just got an e-mail today saying I got into the Shaw Leadership House at BC.  I sent in all the application requirements (essays, a picture, artwork...) the day it was due in the mail, before work. There are 20 Freshman, 9 of whom are girls, in the house. It is the only house available for freshman to stay in. It's pretty cool for the following reasons:

• it's an actual house. an old house in the middle of a quad between the dorms. it has a kitchen (the only kitchen any freshman housing has) and real bathrooms. The rooms are cool. There is a room upstairs for four girls which is really cool and roomy. I think other than that there are...two doubles? But they're all real rooms.
• we have a doorbell. That's right, when people want to come over they can ring the doorbell whenever.
• it's an actual house.
• the people who choose the incoming freshman purposefully choose people of all backgrounds and views, so i'll be with random interesting people.
• the only requirements are house meetings once a week (during which we sometimes have guest speakers, which excites me), and a community service project once a month (which I am totally more than fine with)

It's exciting.

I got tickets in the mail today. Tickets I bought a few days ago with Hannah to see Conor Oberst play in Santa Cruz on August 3rd. It'll be great because the two of us are also going to see The Faint on August 5th in San Francisco and we are making a trip of it. We'll stay in SC two nights and SF for another two. We'll get a tour from Michael, and we're going to go to the SFMOMA for sure because the first tuesday of every month it's free admission (SURPRISE THE 5th IS A TUESDAY). We want to stay in hostels but I did some research and it's actually just as cheap or cheaper for us to stay in a hotel... so we'll see. (But I think hostel would be more fun for us, we just need to research curfews and reservations.)

I've been working a lot. I opened up a savings account yesterday...which is good for me i guess.

I think Monday/Tuesday I am going to go to San Diego. Very last minute, I'll buy tickets tomorrow if it's happening. And when I say tickets I mean that I am going to take the train. It will be good thinking time on the way there and back, and good visiting time for the 25 hours that i spend there.

My dad got back from Ohio today after visiting his parents. He brought cool old possessions of his like a first edition of fear and loathing and some really awesome posters...including some off the wall Beatles posters. He also brought some other books like one full of beatles songs to play on the guitar with tabs i can figure out. :) I was actually going to play about an hour and a half ago but this lappy has been distracting me. Anywho. So that's all very exciting.

Chris and Drew are getting macbooks! i was just informed. Party. Jackie and I have been video chatting and sending funny videos lately, so this is good news for us.

That is mostly my life right now, aside from the occasional break down and depressing thought...

:D

love.love.love.