Crazy

Everything is so insane right now. There's some drama (that I'm staying out of basically) and some changes. I have a best friend leaving Thursday and it'll be hard to get in a few more hugs because I have school till 3, then tennis till 6... It's crazy, from this point on it's all different. Close friends will be at slohs, making crazy good memories. I'll be at mission, trying to stay sane, coming up with ways to keep myself entertained and okay. I can't let people worry about me when I know how much they're worrying about everything else. I shouldn't be on the computer long, i want to read 1 and a half books tonight. Then another tomorrow...(fuckme.).
lovelovelove
claudia

Optimistic?

So I'm putting myself in a weird mood. Or maybe others are causing me to put myself in a weird mood.
Factors:
1) School. Tomorrow I am going to school. And I dont like that my mind/body has accepted the feeling of "oh it's late, i need to sleep soon" when just yesterday I considered my bedtime around 2am. And soon I'll be having homework, and stressing and crying. I feel like I can't prevent that. I just don't know...
2)People. It kills me when I can't read people's thoughts. Wondering if they actually like me and want to be hanging out. If quiet means thinking. If distant means matching your own actions. I guess I have to tell myself that half of the time it really shouldn't matter.
3) cough. cough cough cough. Yesterday it was sneezing, and today begins the coughing.

Good news: I had great memories this summer. I should make a list. Also, now that school is starting I know I'll be writing in my journal more regularly. And there are good things to come, i promise.

i hate people that are rude. shut up. okay? okay.

Blank Expression

Basically, I want to cry right now and am doing all I can not to. I guess the root of this is that I was stoked to listen to my twenty or more records, but I need a new needle and since the turntable is old I'm having a hard time finding one. Also, my friend is moving to Kentucky tomorrow, and I feel like there are so many memories with him I missed out on. And then I'm just looking at myself and I feel like I'm not in the right mindset for anything right now.
Friday I'm in school. I still have three books to read. I got (almost exactly) the schedule I wanted. Wednesday I may be going to six flags. Today I'm going to see a friend and pretend that nothing happened.
A new and great friend goes to college Friday, and one of my two or three best friends goes to college next week. It makes me want to ask myself "what are you doing?".
I've been out a lot, staying out late, seeing people, and my parents don't like this, because I am gone so much. But I need to be. If I'm not then I feel like I'm wasting time.
I value friends so much (too much?) and want to see them while we can.
I'm trippin
this is one of those blogs i'd actually want people to read...
but i don't really want to advertise it all.
good.bye.

What Is This Summer Anyways?

My mom is yelling at me so hardxcore right now. She's saying all these really uncalled for things. That I'm ruining the family. I never want to be home, I hate our family, etc. (She says). And she's just yelling. Now she's yelling because she says she will hide my keys because my room is not clean enough. Okay, so I know that's something parents say but i continue to not understand why my mother cares if my room is clean, she never spends time there and when someone is coming over to be in my room I clean it. It's the "you don't care about me" sentences i hate hearing from her. She tells me how I can't stand to see her, etc. I hate, hatehatehate, it when people tell me how i feel. EYE know how i feel...don't tell me i'm something. Don't tell me that I'm sad, that i'm mad, or that i'm spiteful because you think I am. One day I'll make a list of all my little pet peeves.
One of them will be when people yell at me despite my lack of response. When I just sit here and take it.
One of her favorite things to tell me is that I care about my friends too much. That soon they will be gone and i will realize i dont have anyone. She says I make excuses to my family all the time, but never to my friends. That's not true. Sometimes people want to hang out and I don't because I'm tired or it's late...But she wouldn't believe that if i told her.
rant rant rant.
The thing is, I'm not screaming right now. I'm actually sitting here with a very calm expression on my face.

What does it matter.
Because he/she isn't going to hang out with me today anyways, it's all a false-caring attitude. Looks like my mother got her wish,
some people don't want to let me get a hold of them.

And Lie In Violet Lilac Beds

I have a headache right now and I feel like I've been getting a lot of headaches lately. No good.
I only have one hundred pages of Harry Potter left. It's been taking me far too long.
Yesterday went to a concert in Santa Barbara. I was bummed because we missed The Expendables because they played really early. Slightly Stoopid and the other bands were still good though. The smell of pot was pretty intense but you could tell that no one really cared. One of the singers pulled out a bag of it from his pocket and said something about it and everyone just cheered. Haha.
Went to the chiropractor this morning. Was pretty uneventful. Basically I'm going again on Wednesday.
I'm wondering if i should take some advil or something, but i've been taking one every day for about a week and I feel like that's not good. I'm wearing a big sweater and I'm really hot. So i'm going to take it off, because it is sunny out.
I might finish Harry Potter now,
or take a nap.
Maybe write.
It hit me today that next Friday I have to go to school...
I'm really worried about getting my schedule because i dont know if i'll get all the classes I wanted and i probably wont. eek.
Okay welllll yeah. bye
lovelovelove

I Finally Made The List Today

I have at least four cuts on my fingers, and it makes it very hard to type.
Life is great and it's hard to believe I'll be in school in less than two weeks.
I've been getting home later and later, which my parents aren't huge fans of, but so far so good.
Tomorrow I'm going to a slightly stoopid concert in santa barbara, and i'm excited because it will be great :) Fireworks show at work tonight, was the best so far (of three. and last of three.).
I just discovered another injury on my right index finger. Eek.
Today I took a bunch of pictures with a friend, out exploring with props and changing outfits. It was beautiful. Especially because i borrowed my dad's really great camera and tripod. Doing this reminded me how much I love photography and how I need to keep it in mind...if that makes sense.
I really can't complain right now (except for the fact that I should be reading three books for school).
Today my friend told me that the school gave him different classes than he signed up for because the other one's didnt work. I really hope that doesnt happen to me. . . really. :/
Kay well,
night :)
lovelovelove

Pray For Me, Kay?

So my faja is going to make an appointment for me to go to the chiropractor, which is good.
I'm pretty tired because I woke up late, again. It's annoying because I remember waking up at 10:22, then I fell asleep and woke up an hour later. I remember my hand falling asleep during the night, and squeezing my teddy bears close.
My maja made meatballs last night. I wasn't home for dinner (because I went to dinner with Hillary) so I haven't eaten them yet. I will (even though sometimes I forget that's beef...).
I work later today, but I don't plan on doing anything before then. I could call a friend, but I kinda just feel like reading harry potter and such. I'm starting to think I should start summer reading because i have three books to read in less than three weeks.
My faja just asked if I wanted to go on a family trip this summer, and i just asked "um...when!?" because I start school the 17th, my mom starts the 13th, and I don't see myself having much time.
Just had breakfast, I know it's kinda late for that. I think I should get dressed soon because when I stay in my pajamas all day I get nothing done.
Now I don't have much to say... other than I start school ridiculously soon, pray for me, kay?
lovelovelove,
claudia