You Said You Wanna Die; Now You Say You Wanna Live.

"He felt just like love. Except no fear of losing, and it wasn't tough."

Trying to think. Well last night I went to bed late (again) and was tired when I woke up.
But you know? I'm really proud of myself. I have so many projects going. I went and bought another blank journal yesterday that I get to start tonight. And that's one of many things ive been working on. : ) it makes me feel so accomplished and happy. The one thing I'd say i havent been doing (and want to do) is reading. I got two books today I requested, and i know they'll be super good, but i really need to read them. Im also reading the fuck up (very good) and trying to re-read the fifth harry potter before the movie. (There are also about five books ive started and not finished). This didn't used to happen to me. I used to read one book at a time completely. I think the problem now is that i just get really busy with everything else going on i never actually finish them.
though i did read The Stranger and Das Energi (both requested by friends and both good).
Das Energi was a bunch of thoughts, some I didnt agree with, but many i did.

Today we went to this thing about college, basically because i need to start researching scholarships (and colleges). I know i can get scholarships, but to do so i need to apply apply apply. And that scares me and im worried and and and...
i know i'll go to college, but it's going to be hard financially and that really scares me.

Today i reconnected with an old friend.
ive been doing so much of that lately, its totally whats keeping me going.

(that and knowing that me working means paychecks and being able to support myself).

i think im coming out of my apathetic lonely phaze...i worry myself too much im sure.
my two friends and i have this notebook that im falling really behind on.
in real life i stopped capitalizing i's, so on here i never know whether or not i should.


the following lyrics really make sense to me:

"I saw the devil in a dream.
He wore faded jeans, and was smiling.
He promised every living thing to me.
And when a soul was in despair,
He made confetti fall from everywhere."

lovelovelove
claudia