Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Present, The Future.

Yesterday I realized that I will be leaving Argentina in two months. I feel I am growing so much, and for the better, here. It seems everything I hear or read or see is new. Because I didn't know anything about Argentina before living here, I am constantly talking to people about politics, history, culture, and seeing it all in action...seeing how related everything is. I feel like I have such MOMENTUM. My new personal motto is: question, question everything. As a result, I have never had so many interesting conversations with so many interesting people. As a result I believe that I am truly the happiest I have ever been. I do believe studying abroad (living abroad) was the best decision I ever made for myself. (I also do believe that studying abroad should be required.) As the semester comes to an end (but let's not talk about this too much) a lot of people are deciding to stay for an entire year. I wish I could, but I don't think it can happen right now. I know that if I were to stay I wouldn't want to continue paying BC tuition to be in South America, and that what I want out of staying would have nothing to do with school.

My inability to predict the future both thrills and terrifies me. Being abroad has allowed me to realize possibilites truly are endless. Originally my thought had been to graduate, maybe stick around Boston for a year working for an environmental organization, and move to San Francisco for at least a few years to do the same. So I felt like I vaguelly knew what I wanted to do for at least the next five years of my life. Now I realize that, while those things still sound like something I'd like to do, I may put those plans off for a while. As may be obvious by now, I love Argentina and I wish I could stay longer. Therefore I'm thinking about how once I graduate I might want to move back to Argentina. I also am thinking about applying for the Peace Corps, a two year committment. I want to perfect Spanish, I want to travel, and I want to continue learning about other cultures at the rate which I am currently learning.

The above is thrilling. I am trying to peg what is terrifying me. I think I know that the more I drift and explore, the easier it will be to drift from those around me. In some ways this is not a bad thing, because I already feel I am keeping in touch with the people that matter most to me. However, if I were to do the Peace Corps, move to Argentina, work in Europe... there is a chance I would have to do it alone. In my mind there are certain friends I have always wanted to live with, travel with, grow with. Now I'm scared that what if I don't get to grow with these friends? What if we only grow apart? Happy as we may be, it is something I haven't previously considered. In my mind there are people whose paths I feel I MUST cross again. I hope that my own independence doesn't prevent these people from crossing paths with me later on, because it may be later than we all expected. Back in high school when we sat around and mused about college and time. Now college is quickly coming to an end and with every day its existence seems less and less relevant in the grand scheme of things.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this, It was very nice reading waht you wrote here.
In my case, I'll be flying to Argentina in only 3 days!!!! I'll be living in a apartment in Buenos Aires with a hosting family :)
And their daughter comes to NY to live with my family! I'm very excited about this... well, what I wanted to tell you is that if you have any suggestions or recommendations for me, that would be great :)

claudia [is mostly here] said...

congrats! buenos aires is absolutely fantastic. have you been here before and will you be here long? My suggestions are to go to the centro culturales, cultural centers that pretty much every neighborhood seems to have and are awesome. they show movies, bands, exhibits, etc. One of the more well known ones is in Recoleta, by the cemetary.

I would also say to check out the ferria (like street fair) that happens in San Telmo every Sunday, along Defensa street. It's huge and people sell all kinds of things, very cool atmosphere.

EK said...

claudia,
i really enjoyed reading this. i'm bad staying in touch with people, but i've been reading your blog as much as possible to stay updated with your live in BA. it sounds like you're having an amazing time there. i think going abroad is a very valuable experience, and i already appreciate the time i've spent in france. it's funny though because while it seems like argentina has in a way englightened you, in terms of your future goals, i feel more confused. it's a difficult situation to explain. i realized that there's so much i don't know about the world and left for me to discover which at times seems daunting. but maybe i just haven't had enough time to sort everything out and make sense of it all. my classes are also very difficult, which makes it difficult at times to enjoy studying her. it's funny b/c my situation is almost the opposite of brittany. i've constantly thought about what i want out of school, what i wanna do with my life. my parents are devoting so much money to me and there's a constant pressure to perform well here, although they never say so. most of the time i just wish my classes were easier to allow me to explore the culture of france more and talk with more locales. this probably sounds somewhat melancholy but i dont mean it to be. abroad is truly an amazing experience, that i think everyone should experience. it's so important to step out of your comfort zone, because there is so much out there to discover.