Sometimes I find myself feeling really tense. Today I was especially aware of it when there was no music playing. I had just finished an episode of Mad Men (almost done with season two) and I went into the living room to check in, and make some food. Andrea was doing some work on the couch. There was no one else around, no music playing, just silent. I went into the kitchen and put some water on...hummed a little. By the time I was done cooking I worked up the courage to say "hey, do you care if i put music on?"--- and i put on otis redding. I was relieved to catch andrea smiling during one of the songs. reminded her of something from shovelhead the other night.
I have these moments a lot though...where I will feel really tense or on edge and feel like I don't know how to counteract the moment. And I think I take it pretty personally if other people don't notice the tension, or maybe just aren't bothered. Feeling like I'm tip toeing. It makes me wonder what normal interactions are, or if my interactions are all normal and sometimes I over think it.
Last night in my dream Morgan was going blind. Only she was being really stubborn and wasn't admitting it...it was just pretty obvious and so I was trying to help her, but she didn't really want help (but she walked blatantly through some caution tape by the bus stop). I guess she was wearing sunglasses because that would make her pretending more believable.
Also was fighting in a Harry Potter duel of sorts. It was joking-not-joking. No one was using any of the seriously killing spells, but it was a very real thing and we were in a hallway of classrooms. And I got nervous because all I could remember was wingardium leviosa (useless) and expeliarmus, which was just annoying everyone. So I locked the door to take a breather but whoever my "partner" was in the room called me out on cheating. The spell I remember relying on for the rest of the dream was "swine's breath"... whose effectiveness is also in question.
My last dream was very sad.
I have trouble writing about things that I actually find sad. (Morgan your blindness is very sad to me! But that was also a silly dream.)
There was a dog who was really hungry and skinny,
I can't even finish, dogs in distress make me feel upset.
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In other news. Finally handed in my 25 page paper today, feel relatively good about it, and I think my ten minute presentation on it went well. Also got a bunch of library materials out for my next paper.
Yesterday was the annual zbc bbq at the faculty supervisor's house in Sommerville. It was great, it always is. She has an awesome yard space in the back that slopes downwards into a opening area where there was a tetherball pole set up. (Quick anecdote, I played a lot in 5th grade-middle school but yesterday when I played I was pretty terrible.) They have a treehouse, and a little guest house thing they turned into a hang out room with a jukebox that plays great songs for free! Other weekend highlights? Cinco de Mayo employee (some) party after work Saturday night, mustaches.
Just a few things on my mind,
love.love.love.
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