our landlord said we look moved in. and we're getting a new fridge!

I would say that my inability to give the camera a posed smile comes from michael here, but I think this has been a problem of mine from way before our friendship.

The other day my sister and I had a serious conversation in the backyard about how I may have changed; and this seems to disappoint her. I felt it was clear that I've changed in the past couple years, but I can not pinpoint why or when. Really, I don't think I've changed much on the inside, I think I just have a different demeanor.

Today I mentioned to my roommates how a year+ ago, one of my former roommates mentioned that I never really laugh out lout, or laugh in general. Once this was pointed out to me, it really bothered me for a while. I generally don't think about it, because it still kind of bothers me. I think a loud laugh, or someone who laughs often, is a lovely thing.

Now that I've been in Portland a year, it feels like everything is repeating itself. It's strange to realize this is the first time I've lived somewhere a full year as an adult, not a student. On one of the first days here I went and saw the Swifts, and this happened again on the second or third day of my anniversary. I went to Confluence's alumni panel during their AmeriCorps orientation, and was lost in a trance about having done this orientation a year ago. Then last year I saw Future Islands as part of MFNW, and that festival rolled around again too. The other day I walked into a store that I realized I had only been to once before, a year ago. Last year I saw a cool African dance performance as part of TBA, and I might go to a TBA event tonight. There are posters up for Birdfest in WA, and I'll probably attend that as well. While sometimes I experience serious foma due to the various directions my friends and friendships have taken, I think I made the right choice in making Portland my home.

Katie and I even reflected on our first walk together, crossing the Ross Island Bridge to get downtown. I said, "hey we should do that again", no. No we are not doing that again, that was possibly the scariest bridge crossing experience to date.

All day today I have thought: is it September, or October?

Another day another dollar!
love.love.love.