I thought I would take this time to attempt to describe my terrible mood. It's that feeling all over again where my body will feel sick when my head does. The only way I could properly breathe is to take full breaths, and that's hard to do. And I'm realizing a few things lately: I can't really talk about myself. When I do I either feel ridiculous, whiny, or what I say doesn't make sense outloud. Also (and I suppose I already knew this) the littlest things kill me and cause me to think in my head "i hate life i hate life i hate life". Also, once I'm feeling sad, even if I'm in a positive environment, any little thing will make me feel sad all over again.
And I'm regressing into immaturity.
It's hard when every sentence I say is contradicting itself in my head. Am I maturing? Yes, a lot. Am I regressing into immaturity? Yes. Do I give up and feel hopeless? Absolutely. But I also know that I could never fully give up. Do I think I am worthless and that I help nothing and no one? Yes, but I know that there are people I do help and people that do not think I am worthless at all. It's just that when I feel down it's really easy to make generalizations like "I feel hopeless".
I really like the idea of pretending everything is okay, and never explaining anything. But I also hate hearing two people act like there is nothing to say and acting like they don't know each other when they could be having a great conversation.
I really don't understand anything.
My first thought this morning "on a scale from 1-10 how terrible do i look? TEN!".
But in other news: Things could (always) be worse.
lovelovelove
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