Sorry to be Heavy, but Heavy is the Cost

I've been so fucking busy. That is why I haven't written. To be honest, I don't really have the time to be writing right now. To summarize the last few days: Frantically apply to four schools and panic because envelopes are stupid, I have no time, nothing makes sense, writing essays, being ridiculously confused (that has taken up the majority of my time).
Then there's tennis: Tuesday we won a CIF match against fresno christian, which was awesome. Then today we drove to bakersfield to play. We got out of class at 930 (suh-weet), drove, (its so ugly...why do people live there?), was bummed that I wouldnt be seeing mitchell after all (itd be nice for best friends to live closer, eh?), we lost 3-6, got really upset, and such and such. i dont really want to talk about it because im a baby. (but if i were to talk about it i'd mention really wanting to end on a good note on accounta playing tennis all four years and never having won cif...this was the finals). Went to dinner, drove back. Didn't get home until 1045 which brings me to my next point:
school. Studied for a gvt test which i have first period tomorrow. school school school. i was doing pretty good with keeping up with calc, but this past week the whole applying by friday situation has left me no time. Other classes are okay...even though i feel like i've missed a lot for tennnis and such.
frustration. With people. Im not flipping out as much right now but was a night or two ago, and wanted to write but really had no time. I just don't understand people-straight up. It's hard to trust people because there is no way to know if their words are good. You think that things are okay or that things are SUPPOSED to be okay, but then find out that no one cares how things turn out, and people think itll be better to just not. NOT WHAT? whatthefuck.
busy weekend coming up. Homecoming game tomorrow. The field is gorgeous...im not one to be school-spirited, but i'm still excited. also to see an old friend again. then the dance is saturday...and i guess im going to go even though i'm rather un-interested. as my friend pointed out, all year the reason to do things will be "but it's the last time you can do this!" or "it's you're senior year, you have to!" etc etc.
anyways. thats my life summed up, and believe me i could go on and on.
i think after this weekend i'll feel a lot less stressed, because this week has been crazy.
(oh, and halloween was alright. we had tennis practice, then went trick or treating, michelle's briefly, go see a haunted house robin and nick worked on, h/w etc etc)

so yeah. i'm okay though. you know me. (probably not but whatever. actually, its more likely you think you know me and are assuming i'm someone stuck in the past. and im not. or you think i'm weird and just fucking random, because i dont explain my thoughts to you. or maybe you're afraid of saying the wrong thing, but then again, so am i.)
alright ive got to sleep,
aka: stress and write and go to sleep late, yet again.
but love you mostly, and i like where some things are heading.
can you believe this is a summary? so long. lame.
lovelovelove