Lean On Me?

Wow. I am in such a wonderful mood, and God knows why. Get it? GET IT? because I just got back from our senior retreat, Kairos.
Don't worry, I have not been converted, only made happy by the love everyone showed. In case you didn't know, our retreat was in Malibu. We left Monday from school, drove down in buses. On the bus I participated in many many many games of MASH (so i now know who i'm dating, marrying, and dying with), some stupid dot game...er...and yeah. But it was good. Got my room assignment, which worked out really well actually. It started out like all the retreats before it. Got to walk around and see mel gibson's house (not that i'm uber star struck about things like that, but it was relatively fun), took pictures, talked...thought.
I did a lot of thinking. Mostly people cried, a lot of crying. I really didn't cry as much as other people because i was too busy thinking. People go to these things and find themselves, i dont think that's how it was for me. I did not need to FIND myself, rather think about all the shit going on and sort it out. I'm pleased to say that now that I'm back, I'm happy as ever and feeling okay about everything. I feel confident about who I am, and reassured. THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE. that's what finally did make me cry. When I saw everyone hugging and crying, I started crying. Because you could see that everyone cared so fucking much.
After every retreat we go back to school, and it's like things go back to normal, and this bothers us. But I think I figured something out: a lot of the people will go back to acting the same. But we're privaledged to have seen who they are beneath it all. People aren't always as open as they were this week, and I understand if the love seems like it's dying down because I know that it's all really there.
There are so many beautiful people in my class, it really makes me feel good about school (almost). I feel like next week (no school tomorrow) i might actually have new people to talk to. It was awesome how I talked to new people and became close with others really fast, stereotypes were erased, pasts were put aside. Everyone has such fucking crazy lives...and you would have no idea.
I can't really explain much of this to you, because like i've said time and time before, my thoughts are jumbled and such and such and such...
And anyways. . . I'm not sure that i've changed. . . but i feel in a very loving mood. And everyone hugged EVERYONE and everyone said goodnight to EVERYONE and people walked up to people to tell them how awesome they were. How great is that? Maybe some people still stuck with their groups, but every once in a while you would see people together in groups that you never expected to hang out.
Basically I feel very optimistic? or something...there is definetly tons to still be stressed about in the future, but right now it's okay. momentarily.
I HATE THE WORD BETWEEN "IS" AND "TONS".
spelling spelling spelling.
Tomorrow i will sleep in like crazy because i am currently running on very little thought.
WOAH! see right there? I meant "sleep" not "thought". go.me.
I love you all,
I really, truly do.
lovelovelove,
claudia